Hello, My Father Just Died

The following is John Piper’s journal entry narrating his father’s death on Tuesday, March 6, 2007.

The funeral is scheduled for Friday, March 9, 2007, at 2 p.m. at White Oak Baptist Church in Greenville, S. C. Visitation is 7:00-8:30 p.m. Thursday evening, March 8, 2007, at Mackey Mortuary on Century Drive in Greenville. All are welcomed.

John Piper will not be preaching this weekend at Bethlehem Baptist Church.

The big hospital clock in room 4326 of Greenville Memorial Hospital said, with both hands straight up, midnight. Daddy had just taken his last breath. My watch said 12:01, March 6, 2007.

I had slept a little since his last morphine shot at ten. One ear sleeping, one on the breathing. At 11:45, I awoke. The breaths were coming more frequently and were very shallow. I will not sleep again, I thought. For ten minutes, I prayed aloud into his left ear with Bible texts and pleadings to Jesus to come and take him. I had made this case before, and this time felt an unusual sense of partnership with Daddy as I pressed on the Lord to relieve this warrior of his burden.

I finished and lay down. Good. Thank you, Lord. It will not be long. And, grace upon grace, hundreds of prayers are being answered: He is not choking. The gurgling that threatened to spill over and drown him in the afternoon had sunk deep, and now there was simple clear air, shorter and shorter. I listened from where I lay next to him on a foldout chair.

That’s it. I rose and waited. Will he breathe again? Nothing. Fifteen or twenty seconds, and then a gasp. I was told to expect these false endings. But it was not false. The gasp was the first of two. But no more breaths. I waited, watching. No facial expressions. His face had frozen in place hours before. One more jerk. That was all. Perhaps an eyebrow twitch a moment later. Nothing more.

I stroked his forehead and sang,

My gracious Master and My God
Assist me to proclaim
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of thy name.

Daddy, how many thousands awaited you because of your proclamation of the great gospel. You were faithful. You kept the faith, finished the race, fought the fight. “Make friends for yourselves with unrighteous mammon that they might receive you into eternal habitations.”

I watched, wondering if there could be other reflexes. I combed his hair. He always wore a tie. The indignities of death are many, but we tried to minimize them. Keep the covers straight. Pull the gown up around his neck so it looks like a sharp turtleneck. Tuck the gappy shoulder slits down behind so they don’t show. Use a wet washcloth to keep the secretions from crusting in the eyelashes. And by all means, keep his hair combed. So now I straightened his bedding and combed his hair and wiped his eyes and put the mouth moisturizer on his lips and tried to close his mouth. His mouth would not stay closed. It had been set in that position from hours and hours of strained breathing. But he was neat. A strong, dignified face.

I called my sister Beverly first, then Noël. Tearfully we gave thanks. Get a good night’s rest. I will take care of things here with the doctor and the nurses and the mortuary arrangements. I will gather all our things and take them back to the motel. “I wish I had been there,” Beverly lamented. Yes. That is good. But don’t let that feeling dominate now. In the days to come, you will look back with enormous gratitude for the hundreds of hours you gave serving Daddy. It is my turn to be blessed.

The nurse came to give him his scheduled morphine shot. As she walked toward me I said, “He won’t need that any more.” “Is he gone?” “Yes. And thank you so much for your ministry to him.” “I will notify the doctor so he can come and verify. I will leave you alone.” “Yes, thank you.”

The doctor in his green frock came at 12:40 and listened with his stethoscope to four different places on Daddy’s chest. Then he pulled back the sheet and said, “I must apply some pain stimuli to his nail base to see if he reacts. Then he used his flashlight to test Daddy’s eyes. “The nurse supervisor will come and get the information we need about the mortuary.” Thank you.

Alone again, I felt his cheeks. Finally cool after the fevered and flushed fight. I felt his nose, as though I were blind. Then I felt mine. I thought, very soon my nose will be like your nose. It is already like your nose.

The nurse came. No thank you, an autopsy will not be necessary. Mackey Mortuary on Century Drive. My name is John, his son. My cell phone is . . . . “You may stay as long as you like.” Thank you. I will be leaving soon.

Now I just look at him. Nothing has changed in his face here in the darkness of this dim light. Just no movement. But I have watched his chest so long—even now, was that a slight rise and fall? No, surely not. It’s like sailing on the sea for days. On the land the waves still roll.

He has four-day’s beard and dark eyes. I lift an eyelid to see him eye to eye. They are dilated.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you for sixty-one years of faithfulness to me. I am simply looking into his face now. Thank you. You were a good father. You never put me down. Discipline, yes. Spankings, yes. But you never scorned me. You never treated me with contempt. You never spoke of my future with hopelessness in your voice. You believed God’s hand was on me. You approved of my ministry. You prayed for me. Everyday. That may be the biggest change in these new days: Daddy is no longer praying for me.

I look you in the face and promise you with all my heart: Never will I forsake your gospel. O how you believed in hell and heaven and Christ and cross and blood and righteousness and faith and salvation and the Holy Spirit and the life of holiness and love. I rededicate myself, Daddy, to serve your great and glorious Lord Jesus with all my heart and with all my strength. You have not lived in vain. Your life goes on in thousands. I am glad to be one.

I kissed him on his cold cheek and on his forehead. I love you, Daddy. Thank you.

It was 12:55 as I walked out of room 4326. Just before the elevators on the fourth floor in the lounge, a young man in his twenties was sitting alone listening to his iPod with headphones. I paused. Then I walked toward him. He stopped his music. Hello, my father just died. One of the greatest tributes I could pay to him is to ask you, Are you ready to meet God? “Yes, Sir.” That would make my father very happy. You know Jesus is the only way? “Yes, Sir.” Good. Thank you for letting me talk to you.

As I drove out of the parking lot, I stopped. The moon was a day past full. It was cold—for Greenville. I looked at this great hospital. Thank you, Lord, for this hospital. I will probably never lay eyes on it again.

Pete is Home!

The latest letter from Peter:

Last night my Dad overheard Isaac lean over on the couch and say to PJ, “Hey, PJ…Do you see Dad, how he is smiling so much?” PJ answered, “Of course he is smiling, he’s happy to be home.”

I am home (the picture to the left is from today). I can’t explain to you all how wonderful it felt yesterday to leave the hospital with Dara and my dad, knowing that I was returning to my home. I haven’t stopped hugging Dara for the last 48 hours. I haven’t smiled more with my kids. Food has never tasted so good. I haven’t ever been so thankful for the parents that God blessed me with. Sleeping in my own bed, I felt like I was floating on clouds last night.

It still is so much to take in. Just two weeks ago, I came as close as one can to leaving this world (see x-ray pic below of bullet in my neck). Over the last two weeks, I have watched God bring thousands of people together in prayer. I have seen him unify a community here in El Salvador to provide unbelievable support to our family. I have watched God use three doctors and a host of nurses to care me through recovery. I have seen God slow a bullet, and safely land it in the only place in my neck that would not kill me. I have heard about a church in Abelines that has even more resolve to serve its neighbors, now praying through ways to make the community safer. Simply put, I have seen God actively engaged in my life and in the lives of others.

I don’t understand all that God is doing through this incident. I still struggle with understanding why God protected me, while there are other wonderful Christians whose lives have been cut short. Yet, it has been so evident to me that God is One who is engaged in our lives, not just a passive by-standard. Often, I think it easy to believe in our heads that God is active, but just go about our days living as though He is on a coffee break, or maybe tending the garden around the pearly gates. These last two weeks have only demonstrated to me the radical involvement God has in our lives.

Life is so precious. It is so precious because, God gifts it to us. In His mercy, God has let me have more life to live. Yet, I realize that my days are numbered. I didn’t die two weeks ago, but I will one day. So, I pray that I can continue to live a life worthy of our Lord. I pray that every day of my life will bring God glory, and will be spent serving others. I’m a walking example that none of us can protect our own lives, or the lives of those we love. I can only walk in a profound trust that God is in control, and that the safest place to be is completely in His will. The worst, no the best, thing that can happen is that I go on to be with Jesus.

Again, I want to thank all of you for your amazing prayers, emails, calls, and visits. Our family has been sustained through them all. In many ways, I thank God for allowing this to happen, just to see the amazing body of Christ at work. Dara and I are going to be taking the coming days and weeks to get our lives back in order. We are looking forward to talking to you, and responding to emails. I have about three weeks of check ups and recovery. My voice is still very weak, and I struggle a bit on the phone. But, we are so encouraged with where my health is, and the doctors expect me to recover fully.

Many of you have asked how you can continue to pray for us. Here are some thoughts:

• Pray for our family over the coming weeks as we try to re-engage in life here in El Salvador. Pray that God will melt the fear that still exists, and provide a divine peace.
• Please pray for a complete recovery of my throat and voice.
• Please pray for the church in Abelines, and in all of the ENLACE supported communities, that they will be used as agents of peace among the violence.
• Pray that God will begin to bring complete healing to El Salvador. Pray that through His love, and through the Church, poverty, injustice, and violence will be defeated. Pray that people’s hearts will change in this country through the gospel, and that there will be hope.
• Pray for ENLACE. We want to be a ministry completely submitted to God’s will and direction. We are preparing to grow this year to respond to more churches in El Salvador. Pray for God’s protection and provision. If interested, visit ENLACE’s website at www.enlaceonline.org for more information.

In the coming weeks and months, I hope to write more about what God has done through the shooting, and more importantly what He continues to do daily in all of our lives. Check back to our website for more updates, www.runningonwater.com. I pray that you are as encouraged as we are by the wonder and grace of our Lord.

Take care,

Pete

An email from Pete

January 23, 2007

Friends and Family,

I want to express my deepest thanks to all of you who have been praying for my health and for our family.  I'm writing you all from a hospital bed in San Salvador after the craziest five days of my life.  God has been so merciful to me and to our family and he protected me from almost certain death, and has cared for me as I make my way back to health.

I am currently on the road to recovery.  The doctors repaired the damage to my esophagus on Thursday and have been running tests all week to evaluate the healing.  They have been, and still are, most concerned about infections that could be caused by the impact of the bullet, it's time in my neck (7 hours), and the fluids that went into my chest cavity.   We are all still in awe of the fact that the bullet lodged where it did.  Had I been hit one or two centimeters in either direction, and most likely I'd been dead or seriously injured.  From what I have heard, roughly 5% of people who are shot in the neck survive

The doctors are saying that I may be out of the hospital within another week.  I'm anxious to get out.  I'm even more anxious to get the feeding tube out, and to eat a good meal.  Our family has been rallied behind by a wonderful community here in El Salvador, and we have felt everyone?s prayers in the most profound ways.  Dara has been a rock to me.  God is doing amazing things in her heart through this all.  Yet, she has yet had the time to really deal with it all.  I?m sure when she does there will be feelings we'll need to work through.  The kids are doing relatively well.  PJ and Isaac are dealing with it all the most severe.  They are having some nightmares and are dealing with fear.  They are in school, which helps.  Yet, we miss our time together as I have only been able to see them a couple times.

The ENLACE team is going through a lot.  Our entire ministry is founded upon a heart to build authentic, long term relationships with churches in their contexts.  This requires us to travel to them.  Obviously, the thought of another shooting happening again, has us all praying about how to possibly take precautions without being over gripped by fear. Fear is the motive behind this shooting.  Fear is the goal of the enemy who doesn?t want us to trust completely in Christ.  Fear can cripple a ministry.  Please pray against fear in my life, in our family, in our ministry, and ultimately in El Salvador.

I am currently writing up all the events and am anxious to share the story first hand.  I've experienced nothing short of a miracle, and you all have experienced with me.  We all have seen God's body come together to pray for one another.  We have all seen what God will do when we will lift each other up.  My prayer is that this will continue to encourage us all to live lives completely in the hands of God, completely available to his Spirit.  I pray that we all will care about the hurting people in our world, and continue to come together to live out the Kingdom that Jesus proclaimed is possible in Him.

Many of you have asked how you can help.  Dara and I are working through these decisions this week.  We are considering coming home (to So. Cal) for a couple weeks, but may wait until I can recover fully, and so that I can wrap up all the loose ends of the case.  We have every intention to continue in the work here in El Salvador.  Yet, we are very aware of the road that lies ahead.  It will take a day at a time to walk through all the feelings.  We will let every one know how best to help in the coming days and weeks.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all the love you have poured out on us!

One last thing, please continue to pray for the community of Abelines, where I was shot.  They have met a couple of times as a church and community since the incident.  They feel ashamed that this would happen to me in their community.  They feel discouraged and fearful because violence continues to escalate in their midst.  Please pray that God will use this to strengthen them, and their heart to reach their community. Pray that all the work of the last 5 years will not be harmed by this, but in God?s sovereignty only strengthened.

We will keep you posted throughout the coming weeks.  I have tests planned all week, so please continue to pray for the 100% recovery of my esophagus and for no damage to any other part of my neck.  I so value you your prayers, support, and friendship.

Trusting in Our Savior,
Pete

Pray for Pete

Please pray for Peter DeSoto and his family.  The DeSotos are a family from Copperhill who are now missionaries in  El Salvador.  Yesterday afternoon, Pete was shot in the neck while driving through the jungles of El Salvador.  At this point, we don't believe that Pete's life is in danger, but this is definately a trying time for the family. 

_________________________________________________________________

Here is an email  from Scott Anderson who is a good friend of Pete's

"Peter was shot in the neck while driving a van through the jungles of El Salvador.  There were 10 people in his van and it appears that the gunman was trying to stop the van by killing Pete.  He fired four shots into the van, and Pete was the only one hit.  A second van was following them, and it seems the gunman was scared off when the second van drove up.

Though he felt a burning sensation in his neck, he did not realize he was shot at first which likely indicates that the gun was of a small caliber.  There was a nurse who works with Peter in the second van who gave Peter immediate medical attention to stop the bleeding and took him to a local clinic.  They were about 4 hours drive from the city, so they were concerned about getting him proper medical attention and Pete was very scared and in shock.  Dara said that he actually thought he died at one point and was very concerned that he had left his 4 children behind.  So scary!!!
 
The nurse called the HDQ office of Enlace (the organization that Peter works with) and asked what they thought they should do.  Someone at Enlace knew someone at the American Embassy, so they called and the Embassy sent a government helicopter out into the jungle to pick Pete up and bring him to the one high-quality, modern hospital in San Salvador. 

Pete was able to talk through all of this and it appeared that the bleeding had stopped and that nothing significant was damaged in his neck.  Upon arrival at the hospital they thought that the bullet had simply passed through his neck, but they performed an MRI to make sure and found that a bullet or piece of a bullet was lodged in his esophagus.  The doctors said that this was the safest place for it to be lodged but that they would need to operate to remove the bullet.  The last I heard, Pete was going in for a surgery that seemed fairly low risk and was supposed to take about 2 hours.

His parents flew in from San Diego late last night, but obviously, everyone is extremely worried.  I am very concerned about Peter, but my heart breaks for Dara and the kids.  I guess the boys know what happened, but they felt the girls were too young to process the information.
 
I cannot believe all of this is happening and wish that I could be there with them.  Please pray!
 
Scott Anderson

Here is the latest news in another email from Scott: 

“Peter is through the surgery.  The stories that we continue to hear are pretty intense.  Without the nurse in the van behind him, he would have bled out.  She knew how to slow the bleeding.  Without the helicopter from the embassy, he would have bled out.  The surgery went well.  They brought him in twice.  Once to remove the bullet and once to reconstruct his trachea and esophagus… everything went well and he is actually been moved to level below the ICU.  The big concern now is infection forming in his chest cavity from the surgery or exposure before the surgery, but they think that is unlikely.
 
Isaac and PJ came to the hospital to see Pete before he went into surgery last night, and Dara has been with him through everything.  Pete’s dad, John, took a midnight flight to El Salvador last night and is there right now.  Many others are considering going for support…

To top it all, there was an earthquake in San Salvador last night while they were at the hospital.  Craziness!”

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Last night, we had a prayer meeting for Pete.  It was so encouraging to see the church come together on a moment's notice, to lift up Peter and his family.  Brian Howard, our pastor, also said there was a church in Hawaii praying as well as one in Hunington Beach.  What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ!  Please continue to pray for healing and strength for Peter and his family.  Pray that the Lord would use this situation to glorify Himself and open doors for the gospel.

here's to change...

it's been a while since i've written.... i can't believe it's the end of christmas break already... and the end of '06...weird.  christmas came and went very quickly this year since our break was a little shorter than last year.  it was great to be home again...to see friends and family and celebrate Christ's birth and to relax.  i am so thankful. 

so time has really flown since i graduated...i have lived in the same apartment for the last 2 years, and over these 2 years, we've had a lot of people move in and out .... you gotta love the roommate shuffle.  3 girls got married off, some moved out of state... either way, it seems we are constantly trying to fill spaces and make rent.  my knee-jerk response each time we are scrambling to find a roommate is to be anxious and frustrated.  money is tight and it's hard to find good roommates.  but God has graciously reminded me of the beauty of this situation that i find myself in time after time.  every time someone moves out, i am reminded of my utter dependency on the Lord. everything i have is a gift from the hand of God and sometimes...often... i tend to forget that.  i start acting self-sufficient as i go on with my life...just going to work and paying bills and forgetting to pause and remember that it is by the grace of God that i have a job and have an apartment.  i am thankful for situations that force me to remember that the Lord is my provider. 

my sister gave me a book for christmas called "I Married Adventure".  I have only read a few pages so far... in this book, the writer challenges her readers to delight in the unknown, to greet change with excitement and anticipation, to be thrilled to watch God's perfect and sovereign plan for your life unfold as you live a day at a time.  the unknown can be daunting and a bit scarry... when i was in high school, it was hard to imagine what life after high school might bring... same thing with college.  but the Lord has proved Himself to be faithful... and so good...  i can't wait to see what He has in store for 2007!  may God give me strenght to fight against self-sufficiency and anxiety.

and it "just so happens" that we just had another roomate move out and get married this month... and so the shuffle continues...praise God!   

                                  "she smiles at the future." proverbs 31:25