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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 15:55:53 GMT

Hello, My Father Just Died

By John Piper March 7, 2007

The following is John Piper’s journal entry narrating his father’s death on Tuesday, March 6, 2007.

The funeral is scheduled for Friday, March 9, 2007, at 2 p.m. at White Oak Baptist Church in Greenville, S. C. Visitation is 7:00-8:30 p.m. Thursday evening, March 8, 2007, at Mackey Mortuary on Century Drive in Greenville. All are welcomed.

John Piper will not be preaching this weekend at Bethlehem Baptist Church.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007. 2 a.m.

The big hospital clock in room 4326 of Greenville Memorial Hospital said, with both hands straight up, midnight. Daddy had just taken his last breath. My watch said 12:01, March 6, 2007.

I had slept a little since his last morphine shot at ten. One ear sleeping, one on the breathing. At 11:45, I awoke. The breaths were coming more frequently and were very shallow. I will not sleep again, I thought. For ten minutes, I prayed aloud into his left ear with Bible texts and pleadings to Jesus to come and take him. I had made this case before, and this time felt an unusual sense of partnership with Daddy as I pressed on the Lord to relieve this warrior of his burden.

I finished and lay down. Good. Thank you, Lord. It will not be long. And, grace upon grace, hundreds of prayers are being answered: He is not choking. The gurgling that threatened to spill over and drown him in the afternoon had sunk deep, and now there was simple clear air, shorter and shorter. I listened from where I lay next to him on a foldout chair.

That’s it. I rose and waited. Will he breathe again? Nothing. Fifteen or twenty seconds, and then a gasp. I was told to expect these false endings. But it was not false. The gasp was the first of two. But no more breaths. I waited, watching. No facial expressions. His face had frozen in place hours before. One more jerk. That was all. Perhaps an eyebrow twitch a moment later. Nothing more.

I stroked his forehead and sang,

My gracious Master and My God
Assist me to proclaim
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of thy name.

Daddy, how many thousands awaited you because of your proclamation of the great gospel. You were faithful. You kept the faith, finished the race, fought the fight. “Make friends for yourselves with unrighteous mammon that they might receive you into eternal habitations.”

I watched, wondering if there could be other reflexes. I combed his hair. He always wore a tie. The indignities of death are many, but we tried to minimize them. Keep the covers straight. Pull the gown up around his neck so it looks like a sharp turtleneck. Tuck the gappy shoulder slits down behind so they don’t show. Use a wet washcloth to keep the secretions from crusting in the eyelashes. And by all means, keep his hair combed. So now I straightened his bedding and combed his hair and wiped his eyes and put the mouth moisturizer on his lips and tried to close his mouth. His mouth would not stay closed. It had been set in that position from hours and hours of strained breathing. But he was neat. A strong, dignified face.

I called my sister Beverly first, then Noël. Tearfully we gave thanks. Get a good night’s rest. I will take care of things here with the doctor and the nurses and the mortuary arrangements. I will gather all our things and take them back to the motel. “I wish I had been there,” Beverly lamented. Yes. That is good. But don’t let that feeling dominate now. In the days to come, you will look back with enormous gratitude for the hundreds of hours you gave serving Daddy. It is my turn to be blessed.

The nurse came to give him his scheduled morphine shot. As she walked toward me I said, “He won’t need that any more.” “Is he gone?” “Yes. And thank you so much for your ministry to him.” “I will notify the doctor so he can come and verify. I will leave you alone.” “Yes, thank you.”

The doctor in his green frock came at 12:40 and listened with his stethoscope to four different places on Daddy’s chest. Then he pulled back the sheet and said, “I must apply some pain stimuli to his nail base to see if he reacts. Then he used his flashlight to test Daddy’s eyes. “The nurse supervisor will come and get the information we need about the mortuary.” Thank you.

Alone again, I felt his cheeks. Finally cool after the fevered and flushed fight. I felt his nose, as though I were blind. Then I felt mine. I thought, very soon my nose will be like your nose. It is already like your nose.

The nurse came. No thank you, an autopsy will not be necessary. Mackey Mortuary on Century Drive. My name is John, his son. My cell phone is . . . . “You may stay as long as you like.” Thank you. I will be leaving soon.

Now I just look at him. Nothing has changed in his face here in the darkness of this dim light. Just no movement. But I have watched his chest so long—even now, was that a slight rise and fall? No, surely not. It’s like sailing on the sea for days. On the land the waves still roll.

He has four-day’s beard and dark eyes. I lift an eyelid to see him eye to eye. They are dilated.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you for sixty-one years of faithfulness to me. I am simply looking into his face now. Thank you. You were a good father. You never put me down. Discipline, yes. Spankings, yes. But you never scorned me. You never treated me with contempt. You never spoke of my future with hopelessness in your voice. You believed God’s hand was on me. You approved of my ministry. You prayed for me. Everyday. That may be the biggest change in these new days: Daddy is no longer praying for me.

I look you in the face and promise you with all my heart: Never will I forsake your gospel. O how you believed in hell and heaven and Christ and cross and blood and righteousness and faith and salvation and the Holy Spirit and the life of holiness and love. I rededicate myself, Daddy, to serve your great and glorious Lord Jesus with all my heart and with all my strength. You have not lived in vain. Your life goes on in thousands. I am glad to be one.

I kissed him on his cold cheek and on his forehead. I love you, Daddy. Thank you.

It was 12:55 as I walked out of room 4326. Just before the elevators on the fourth floor in the lounge, a young man in his twenties was sitting alone listening to his iPod with headphones. I paused. Then I walked toward him. He stopped his music. Hello, my father just died. One of the greatest tributes I could pay to him is to ask you, Are you ready to meet God? “Yes, Sir.” That would make my father very happy. You know Jesus is the only way? “Yes, Sir.” Good. Thank you for letting me talk to you.

As I drove out of the parking lot, I stopped. The moon was a day past full. It was cold—for Greenville. I looked at this great hospital. Thank you, Lord, for this hospital. I will probably never lay eyes on it again.

Pete is Home!

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 15:09:54 GMT

The latest letter from Peter:

Last night my Dad overheard Isaac lean over on the couch and say to PJ, “Hey, PJ…Do you see Dad, how he is smiling so much?” PJ answered, “Of course he is smiling, he’s happy to be home.”

I am home (the picture to the left is from today). I can’t explain to you all how wonderful it felt yesterday to leave the hospital with Dara and my dad, knowing that I was returning to my home. I haven’t stopped hugging Dara for the last 48 hours. I haven’t smiled more with my kids. Food has never tasted so good. I haven’t ever been so thankful for the parents that God blessed me with. Sleeping in my own bed, I felt like I was floating on clouds last night.

It still is so much to take in. Just two weeks ago, I came as close as one can to leaving this world (see x-ray pic below of bullet in my neck). Over the last two weeks, I have watched God bring thousands of people together in prayer. I have seen him unify a community here in El Salvador to provide unbelievable support to our family. I have watched God use three doctors and a host of nurses to care me through recovery. I have seen God slow a bullet, and safely land it in the only place in my neck that would not kill me. I have heard about a church in Abelines that has even more resolve to serve its neighbors, now praying through ways to make the community safer. Simply put, I have seen God actively engaged in my life and in the lives of others.

I don’t understand all that God is doing through this incident. I still struggle with understanding why God protected me, while there are other wonderful Christians whose lives have been cut short. Yet, it has been so evident to me that God is One who is engaged in our lives, not just a passive by-standard. Often, I think it easy to believe in our heads that God is active, but just go about our days living as though He is on a coffee break, or maybe tending the garden around the pearly gates. These last two weeks have only demonstrated to me the radical involvement God has in our lives.

Life is so precious. It is so precious because, God gifts it to us. In His mercy, God has let me have more life to live. Yet, I realize that my days are numbered. I didn’t die two weeks ago, but I will one day. So, I pray that I can continue to live a life worthy of our Lord. I pray that every day of my life will bring God glory, and will be spent serving others. I’m a walking example that none of us can protect our own lives, or the lives of those we love. I can only walk in a profound trust that God is in control, and that the safest place to be is completely in His will. The worst, no the best, thing that can happen is that I go on to be with Jesus.

Again, I want to thank all of you for your amazing prayers, emails, calls, and visits. Our family has been sustained through them all. In many ways, I thank God for allowing this to happen, just to see the amazing body of Christ at work. Dara and I are going to be taking the coming days and weeks to get our lives back in order. We are looking forward to talking to you, and responding to emails. I have about three weeks of check ups and recovery. My voice is still very weak, and I struggle a bit on the phone. But, we are so encouraged with where my health is, and the doctors expect me to recover fully.

Many of you have asked how you can continue to pray for us. Here are some thoughts:

Pray for our family over the coming weeks as we try to re-engage in life here in El Salvador. Pray that God will melt the fear that still exists, and provide a divine peace.
Please pray for a complete recovery of my throat and voice.
Please pray for the church in Abelines, and in all of the ENLACE supported communities, that they will be used as agents of peace among the violence.
Pray that God will begin to bring complete healing to El Salvador. Pray that through His love, and through the Church, poverty, injustice, and violence will be defeated. Pray that people’s hearts will change in this country through the gospel, and that there will be hope.
Pray for ENLACE. We want to be a ministry completely submitted to God’s will and direction. We are preparing to grow this year to respond to more churches in El Salvador. Pray for God’s protection and provision. If interested, visit ENLACE’s website at www.enlaceonline.org for more information.

In the coming weeks and months, I hope to write more about what God has done through the shooting, and more importantly what He continues to do daily in all of our lives. Check back to our website for more updates, www.runningonwater.com. I pray that you are as encouraged as we are by the wonder and grace of our Lord.

Take care,

Pete

An email from Pete

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 15:45:57 GMT

January 23, 2007

Friends and Family,

I want to express my deepest thanks to all of you who have been praying for my health and for our family. I'm writing you all from a hospital bed in San Salvador after the craziest five days of my life. God has been so merciful to me and to our family and he protected me from almost certain death, and has cared for me as I make my way back to health.

I am currently on the road to recovery. The doctors repaired the damage to my esophagus on Thursday and have been running tests all week to evaluate the healing. They have been, and still are, most concerned about infections that could be caused by the impact of the bullet, it's time in my neck (7 hours), and the fluids that went into my chest cavity. We are all still in awe of the fact that the bullet lodged where it did. Had I been hit one or two centimeters in either direction, and most likely I'd been dead or seriously injured. From what I have heard, roughly 5% of people who are shot in the neck survive

The doctors are saying that I may be out of the hospital within another week. I'm anxious to get out. I'm even more anxious to get the feeding tube out, and to eat a good meal. Our family has been rallied behind by a wonderful community here in El Salvador, and we have felt everyone?s prayers in the most profound ways. Dara has been a rock to me. God is doing amazing things in her heart through this all. Yet, she has yet had the time to really deal with it all. I?m sure when she does there will be feelings we'll need to work through. The kids are doing relatively well. PJ and Isaac are dealing with it all the most severe. They are having some nightmares and are dealing with fear. They are in school, which helps. Yet, we miss our time together as I have only been able to see them a couple times.

The ENLACE team is going through a lot. Our entire ministry is founded upon a heart to build authentic, long term relationships with churches in their contexts. This requires us to travel to them. Obviously, the thought of another shooting happening again, has us all praying about how to possibly take precautions without being over gripped by fear. Fear is the motive behind this shooting. Fear is the goal of the enemy who doesn?t want us to trust completely in Christ. Fear can cripple a ministry. Please pray against fear in my life, in our family, in our ministry, and ultimately in El Salvador.

I am currently writing up all the events and am anxious to share the story first hand. I've experienced nothing short of a miracle, and you all have experienced with me. We all have seen God's body come together to pray for one another. We have all seen what God will do when we will lift each other up. My prayer is that this will continue to encourage us all to live lives completely in the hands of God, completely available to his Spirit. I pray that we all will care about the hurting people in our world, and continue to come together to live out the Kingdom that Jesus proclaimed is possible in Him.

Many of you have asked how you can help. Dara and I are working through these decisions this week. We are considering coming home (to So. Cal) for a couple weeks, but may wait until I can recover fully, and so that I can wrap up all the loose ends of the case. We have every intention to continue in the work here in El Salvador. Yet, we are very aware of the road that lies ahead. It will take a day at a time to walk through all the feelings. We will let every one know how best to help in the coming days and weeks. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all the love you have poured out on us!

One last thing, please continue to pray for the community of Abelines, where I was shot. They have met a couple of times as a church and community since the incident. They feel ashamed that this would happen to me in their community. They feel discouraged and fearful because violence continues to escalate in their midst. Please pray that God will use this to strengthen them, and their heart to reach their community. Pray that all the work of the last 5 years will not be harmed by this, but in God?s sovereignty only strengthened.

We will keep you posted throughout the coming weeks. I have tests planned all week, so please continue to pray for the 100% recovery of my esophagus and for no damage to any other part of my neck. I so value you your prayers, support, and friendship.

Trusting in Our Savior,
Pete

Pray for Pete

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 17:50:29 GMT

Please pray for Peter DeSoto and his family. The DeSotos are a family from Copperhill who are now missionaries in El Salvador. Yesterday afternoon, Pete was shot in the neck while driving through the jungles of El Salvador. At this point, we don't believe that Pete's life is in danger, but this is definately a trying time for the family.

_________________________________________________________________

Here is an email from Scott Anderson who is a good friend of Pete's

"Peter was shot in the neck while driving a van through the jungles of El Salvador. There were 10 people in his van and it appears that the gunman was trying to stop the van by killing Pete. He fired four shots into the van, and Pete was the only one hit. A second van was following them, and it seems the gunman was scared off when the second van drove up.

Though he felt a burning sensation in his neck, he did not realize he was shot at first which likely indicates that the gun was of a small caliber. There was a nurse who works with Peter in the second van who gave Peter immediate medical attention to stop the bleeding and took him to a local clinic. They were about 4 hours drive from the city, so they were concerned about getting him proper medical attention and Pete was very scared and in shock. Dara said that he actually thought he died at one point and was very concerned that he had left his 4 children behind. So scary!!!

The nurse called the HDQ office of Enlace (the organization that Peter works with) and asked what they thought they should do. Someone at Enlace knew someone at the American Embassy, so they called and the Embassy sent a government helicopter out into the jungle to pick Pete up and bring him to the one high-quality, modern hospital in San Salvador.

Pete was able to talk through all of this and it appeared that the bleeding had stopped and that nothing significant was damaged in his neck. Upon arrival at the hospital they thought that the bullet had simply passed through his neck, but they performed an MRI to make sure and found that a bullet or piece of a bullet was lodged in his esophagus. The doctors said that this was the safest place for it to be lodged but that they would need to operate to remove the bullet. The last I heard, Pete was going in for a surgery that seemed fairly low risk and was supposed to take about 2 hours.

His parents flew in from San Diego late last night, but obviously, everyone is extremely worried. I am very concerned about Peter, but my heart breaks for Dara and the kids. I guess the boys know what happened, but they felt the girls were too young to process the information.

I cannot believe all of this is happening and wish that I could be there with them. Please pray!

Scott Anderson

Here is the latest news in another email from Scott:

“Peter is through the surgery. The stories that we continue to hear are pretty intense. Without the nurse in the van behind him, he would have bled out. She knew how to slow the bleeding. Without the helicopter from the embassy, he would have bled out. The surgery went well. They brought him in twice. Once to remove the bullet and once to reconstruct his trachea and esophagus… everything went well and he is actually been moved to level below the ICU. The big concern now is infection forming in his chest cavity from the surgery or exposure before the surgery, but they think that is unlikely.

Isaac and PJ came to the hospital to see Pete before he went into surgery last night, and Dara has been with him through everything. Pete’s dad, John, took a midnight flight to El Salvador last night and is there right now. Many others are considering going for support…

To top it all, there was an earthquake in San Salvador last night while they were at the hospital. Craziness!”

________________________________________________________________

Last night, we had a prayer meeting for Pete. It was so encouraging to see the church come together on a moment's notice, to lift up Peter and his family. Brian Howard, our pastor, also said there was a church in Hawaii praying as well as one in Hunington Beach. What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ! Please continue to pray for healing and strength for Peter and his family. Pray that the Lord would use this situation to glorify Himself and open doors for the gospel.

here's to change...

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 05:37:27 GMT

it's been a while since i've written.... i can't believe it's the end of christmas break already... and the end of '06...weird. christmas came and went very quickly this year since our break was a little shorter than last year. it was great to be home again...to see friends and family and celebrate Christ's birth and to relax. i am so thankful.

so time has really flown since i graduated...i have lived in the same apartment for the last 2 years, and over these 2 years, we've had a lot of people move in and out .... you gotta love the roommate shuffle. 3 girls got married off, some moved out of state... either way, it seems we are constantly trying to fill spaces and make rent. my knee-jerk response each time we are scrambling to find a roommate is to be anxious and frustrated. money is tight and it's hard to find good roommates. but God has graciously reminded me of the beauty of this situation that i find myself in time after time. every time someone moves out, i am reminded of my utter dependency on the Lord. everything i have is a gift from the hand of God and sometimes...often... i tend to forget that. i start acting self-sufficient as i go on with my life...just going to work and paying bills and forgetting to pause and remember that it is by the grace of God that i have a job and have an apartment. i am thankful for situations that force me to remember that the Lord is my provider.

my sister gave me a book for christmas called "I Married Adventure". I have only read a few pages so far... in this book, the writer challenges her readers to delight in the unknown, to greet change with excitement and anticipation, to be thrilled to watch God's perfect and sovereign plan for your life unfold as you live a day at a time. the unknown can be daunting and a bit scarry... when i was in high school, it was hard to imagine what life after high school might bring... same thing with college. but the Lord has proved Himself to be faithful... and so good... i can't wait to see what He has in store for 2007! may God give me strenght to fight against self-sufficiency and anxiety.

and it "just so happens" that we just had another roomate move out and get married this month... and so the shuffle continues...praise God!

"she smiles at the future." proverbs 31:25

Friday, November 24, 2006

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 04:49:10 GMT

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

it's good to be home, even if just for a moment. random things here at home that i'm thankful for: family, friends...crazy ones, cold weather, rain! backyards, foliage... trees of all shapes, sizes and colors, good food, the shooting range, lake chabot! ghetto walmart... it seriously makes me laugh, filoli gardens...

just a few more of my favorite things that i'm thankful for ... my job, my church, my roommates, short term missions, worship music, my students, America, food, piper... definately some of my favorite things of ALL time!

I am SO blessed. The Lord has been good to me. I am remined again today of what Piper wrote in "Don't Waste Your Life" He said something like "money and posessions were given to us that we may use them in a way that shows they are not our treasure, Christ is." I am daily tempted to be greedy and materialistic and to pursue money and posessions for selfish gain. It's not natural to view my money as God's. my posessions, my time, my office :) my relationships, my life. all are gifts from the Lord to be used in a way to show that HE is my treasure. It is such a daily battle to have that mindset, but He is worth it.

"Faithful Lord, fill my cup with your grace and love, your grace and love. Treasures that this world's sure of, they will never be enough, never be enough. cuz i'm created for You alone. bought with a price, i'm not my own. i'm seated in the heavenlies. there's no place i'd rather be that with you forever Lord. You are my treasure!"

the office...or lack thereof

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 23:01:40 GMT

the Lord's plan and timing are perfect. God, in His sovereignty has plotted out every detail of my life. He has His glory and my best interest at heart. whatever circumstances or trials come into my life and are preordained by the Lord to maximize his glory and my good. that is why i can rejoice in the fact that i am loosing my office.

yesterday my boss came into my office and let me know that next week i will no longer have and office and that i will be moving to a desk set up outside the principal and administrator's office. space is limited here at SCCS... we're affiliated with a church and they have been allowing us to use some of their space, but they now need the space we have been borrowing.

my office is no big deal. just a small room with a smaller window, but i love it. this summer i went out and bought new bullitin boards and frames and plants and even painted. i wanted to make it feel 'homey' since i spend so much time in it. it has been my little safe haven. i teach every other period and on the off periods, i'm in my office working on guidance counseling... talking with students, parents, colleges, working on transcripts...the fun stuff. the only space that i really have all to myself. myspace if you will. :) i love that i get to listen to music while i work. in a way, it will feel like a whole new job experience... same tasks, but completely different atmospere. no music and... being outside the pricipal's office is sure to be a dramatic place with all of the daily discipline issues that take place.

i was definately dissappointed when i was told i would be loosing the office, and as the weeks go by, i will have to fight against selfishness and bitterness, but i know that this is part of God's intracate and perfect plan for me. and for that, i am thankful. last night, after work i went down to burbank to hang out with my friend roxy who i have mentioned before. she is still in a wheelchair and still doesn't know if she will ever walk again. by the Lord's grace, she is still joyful and trusting in the Lord. God quickly used her faith to renew my perspective. what an example she is to me! i have SO much to be thankful for.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Corinthians 2:9

Monday, October 30, 2006

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 04:31:53 GMT

God is good.

so this thursday i got into my car, turned the key and...nothing happened.
you gotta love the 95 civic. this past month i've spent a lot of money on my car. first, i started hearing a loud squeaky sound every time i breaked so... i took my car to midas and indeed.. i needed new breaks... front and rear (there went several hundred dollars). when i got my car back, they told me that i needed all new tires ASAP so a week later, after calling around for prices, i went to Sears and got 4 new tires (there went several more hundred dollars).
one can only imagine my dismay when my car refused to start on thursday. i tried...probably a few too many times to get it started and then decided to call one of my roommates to come and try to jump my car. she located some cables and came right over. it was probably hilarious to watch us try and hook up the cables. there were 3 girls, all on our cell phones with our dads, trying to figure out how to jump a car. pathetic i know... but kinda funny. although i do believe we did everything right, the car still wouldn't start so Nikki called AAA to come tow my car. i had to be towed to the honda dealership because midas was already closed and i thought all i needed was a battery so i'd be in and out... wrong! they kept my car overnight so that it could be diagnosed in the morning.. (like it's a human or something) and it turns out that it was my ignighter, coils aaannnd my battery needed to be replaced... when i heard how much it would cost to fix it at Honda, i had it towed to Midas and several hours and several plus several plus several hundred dollars later... i have my car back. i hate money...

as i complained about my car, and about money and about creepy dishonest car mechanics God hit me upside the head again with that one thing.... thankfulness!!!!!!

who am i to complain? about anything!! EVER!!! let's see how many things i can list that i have to be thankful for JUST in this situation:

1. i have a car. i don't have to take AC transit and walk to the bus stop rain or shine like i did in high school. i dont have to always be looking for rides like i did at Masters
2. it stopped working in a parking lot... in valencia...on a sunny day... NOT on the freeway or ..in oakland.or .. in the rain
3. i had my cell phone
4. i didn't have anywhere i needed to be
5. my roomate was close by and didn't have anywhere she needed to be...and she has AAA
6. we found jumper cables and learned to use them :)
7. i got my car towed for free
8. when my car was still in the shop the next day, my roommate had the day off and gave me a ride to and from work and to Honda... and Midas...
9. my car was fixable... and was fixed quickly
10. even though i hated the amount, i had a way to pay for the repairs..
11. God used the situation to remind me of my need for Him!

God is good. He has given me more than i could ever have wanted. it was so good for me to be forced to slow down, and to depend on God and on others to make it through my day instead of just living life finding sufficiency in myself.

today in church, Brian made a statement that suck out to me. he said something like, "we are so blessed in our society. we have everything. but i don't know... should i say blessed? so often our prosperity robs us of our dependance on God." i then thought of a sermon Gunner preached back in the day about suffering. he challenged his audience to recall the last time they asked..really asked the Lord.."give me today my daily bread." the point is we rarely look to the Lord to meet our needs. we are so self-sufficient. it is not wrong to live in an affluent society. but beware that the ease and comfort of our society doesn't allow you to forget Who sustains you each day. my car breaking down was such a good reminder that God is the provider.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 19:38:51 GMT

God is gracious.

every friday at SCCS we have chapel and every friday in chapel, i'm reminded that we're in a war.

there are definately aspects of chapel that i enjoy...singing, student testimonies, learning from the word... but every friday, without fail, i am sobered. as i sit in the back of the gym and look out over the student body i am met with a sea of complacency. my heart aches for them and for their souls..for them to make good decisions, for them not to waste their lives or to fall into the trap of the world... complacency almost frightens me more that outright defiance for some reason...i think its because of the way that the Lord looks upon the lukewarm...

yesterday in chapel, i was again sobered and filled with an urgency for my students. but this time, as i considered the weight of eternity, i was quickly overwhealmed with something else... thankfulness. but for the grace of God, i would be lost in my sin and living my life for myself. who am i that the Lord would save me? that He would draw me to Himself and cause me to desire Him and His word? Psalm 18: 16&19 say that He reached down on high and drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me because He delighted in me. i am so not worthy to be called a christian, but he uses me anyway... it blows my mind!

Brian Howard always uses the illustration that before we came to Christ, we were dead in our trespasses and sins. it was as if we were blindfolded and running full speed towards a raging inferno. But God, who is rich in His grace and mercy, reached down and unveiled our eyes. He turned us around and set us on the path towards righteousness and eternal joy...for His glory!

i am so thankful that the Lord has done that for me and i do pray that He will do that for my students. we don't deserve salvation, but for some reason the Lord saved me. i don't think that i consider my unworthiness often enough. i pray that i will represent Him well for His glory.

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." Ephesians 4:1

Friday, October 13, 2006

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 19:19:37 GMT

o that day when freed from sinning i shall see Thy lovely face

clothed then in blood-washed linnen, how i'll sing Thy sovereign grace

come my Lord, no longer tarry

take my ransomed soul away

send Thine angels now to carry me to realms of endless day!!!

i can't wait for heaven!!!!